If you are a regular reader of this blog, then you know some of the most bizarre situations happen to Rick and I. We are like some kind of crazy magnets. Well, last night, or should I say early this morning, was no exception. So let the story begin...
Rick woke me up this morning at 12:30 a.m. to inform me that we had some half naked drunk guy on our porch. Now, it was no little inside voice gently saying, "Hey, honey, you need to get up because there is a possible problem." No, it was a full fledge outside voice, "Get up there's a half naked drunk guy on the front porch, what should we do?" Add in the fact that our personal security team, Sophie and Stormy, are barking and growling while trying to tear down the new front door. (Only can hope that they didn't scratch the new door. It's only been up for a week!) Throw in the fact that I'm groggy from my medication that I take every night. So I was completely oblivious as to what was happening and I'm yelling, "What the hell is going on?" So Rick tells me again there is some half naked drunk guy laying on our porch. Rick's like what should we do? Of course I answer in my most 'are you serious' voice, I yell, "Call the cops!" My kind hearted Rick is like 'Well what if he's hurt? May we should check him first? I answer 'Well what if he has a gun!' So, I called 911!
The very nice 911 dispatcher answered my call and asked about my situation. I told her about the half naked drunk man laying on my porch. She asked all of the necessary questions and I answered them. Then she asked if I wanted a Deputy Sheriff to come to the house. HELLO!!! That's why I called 911! And the whole time Rick is pacing from window to window to see if the guy is still there. He keeps telling me that tomorrow we need to get a gun. I'm like shut up we don't need a gun, we have Sophie! Anyways, the 911 dispatcher connects me with the Sheriff's Department. I repeat everything. They ask me if the intruder needs medical attention and should they call the emergency squad. I'm like I don't know, I'm not going out there to check! The dude could be dangerous. So they tell me to stay on the line until the cops can get there. Well, it only took 60 seconds for 5 cop cars to show up.
Well I hung up and we ran downstairs. Up to this point I hadn't looked outside yet because I was on the phone. So I looked out the picture window and I don't see anyone but the cops. I'm like are you sure there is someone out there, Rick? He's like look at his feet hanging between the balusters. I did and the only thing I could think of was the Wicked Witch of the East from the Wizard of Oz. The guy's feet looked like the witches's feet sticking out from under the house!! They were facing upwards. I couldn't figure out how he got them twisted like that IF he was laying face down on the porch. I wiped the duck poop from my eyes and got a better view. You see, all Rick said was he was laying on the porch. I assumed he was face down! Well, the half naked drunk guy was actually sitting face up on the chair on the front porch. (LOL! I hope I'm describing this well enough so you can envision what I'm talking about because I found it hysterical!) In the meantime, the dogs are barking, Rick and I are pacing, the cops are trying to get the drunk up and the neighbors are calling to find out what's going on! Finally, the sheriff knocks on the door and asks if we would take a look at the guy to see if we know him. All I can say is that the guy's own mother wouldn't have known him. The dude looked like he had gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. We said no, and the cops told us to go back in the house. They called the squad for the guy. Then everyone left! I'm like what!?!?!?! No one is going to let us know what just happened. Well, apparently not. So we congratulated the girls on doing a good job of alerting us to the bad guy and we went to bed.
The next morning the neighborhood conversed and put the pieces of the puzzle together. Apparently "our half naked drunk guy" got into a nasty altercation down the street with 3 other drunk guys and all hell broke loose. From what I understand these dudes totally destroyed the house they were in. Our guy got away and went to several other houses looking for help before coming to rest on our front porch. That is why it only took the Sheriff's Department 60 seconds to get to the our house. They were already on our guy's tail. The reason why the coppers left so fast? Because they found another beat up drunk guy in the front yard of another neighbor. In the end, all four of the guys were taken to the hospital! We don't know the conditions of any of the men, only that they beat each other to a pulp. I do know that our guy will be heading to the pokey at some point if he isn't there all ready. Apparently, he had numerous arrest warrants on him. What a night right?
Then we get up this morning and realize that our half naked drunk guy left us a calling card. He had slobbered all over the glass door! EEEWW!!! Not to mention he left a small trail of blood instead of bread crumbs! Not only did he interrupt my sweet dreams, but now we have to clean up after his drunken butt! Can you believe it?
Of course, if you know me, I have to analyze the situation and decide what I've learned from this experience.
#1. If you do not have a landline phone, be sure to keep a charging cell phone by your bed at night. You never know what might go bump in the middle of the night.
#2. Always wear pjs to bed. You never know when you will have to fight criminals in the middle of the night. You don't want to waste time looking for clothes! (For the record, I had my pjs on!)
#3. Bleach works wonders on blood and snot!
On a serious note, we do want to thank the 91l Dispatcher, the Sheriff's Department and the Madison Township Emergency Personnel for their assistance this morning. Rick and I never once felt threatened once they arrived and started to resolve the situation. You all were professionals and we appreciate what you did for our community last night. You kept us safe and sound. Job well done folks.
Make Every Day Count...
Denise
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