Breast Implants, the Seattle Space Needle, and more!

So what do Demi Moore and I have in common with breast implants, the Seattle Space Needle, Wal-Mart, and salt and vinegar chips?  We all celebrate our 50th birthdays in 2012!  Can you believe that I'm as old as fake boobies and WallyWorld?!?!?!  I can't wait until Monday to let everyone at work in on the secret!  My students are convinced I'm as old as dirt and used an abacas to do math!  (Actually, I was amazed that one of them knew what an abacas was!  Those National Honor Society kids are so smart!)  However, I've done the research and found that both items are indeed older than me.

So here I sit on the eve of the 1/2 century mark with a wine glass in hand and a computer on my lap thinking about the last 50 and planning for next 50.  I won't lie.  I'm having moments of aha, moments of tears, moments of laughs and moments of fears.  The day I turned 48 I made a promise to myself that I would look forward to and embrace my 50th birthday.  I have been planning it since then.  Why did I make that promise at 48?  I have no idea!  I just remember that I made the decision then to have fun and age gracefully.  After all, God willing,  it was coming whether I wanted it to or not!  My mother and my husband always tell me I am bull in a china shop so I'm pretty sure that I'm lacking in the graceful department.  However, I have the fun part worked out.  My plans are simple.  I will make fun of myself before anyone else has the chance to!  I have a tiara, a pink "50 and Fab" sash, a "Another Fabulous Year" necklace, and a flashing "It's my 50th birthday" button that I plan on wearing to school.  I'm sure Miss Dudgeon and the NHS kids have some kind of hijinks planned for my room.  I have my co-workers planning a kidnapping after school.  It involves 99 cent margaritas!  Then it will end with a 'surprise' party in Hebron with the Bodacious Fabric Goddesses (BFGs)!  My husband and Barb have been conspiring on the phone for a couple of weeks.  He can't keep a secret so I pretty much know what's going on!  It involves Jeni's ice cream and wine!  Margaritas, Jeni's, wine and people who love you....who could ask for more?

As I sit here by myself sucking down the moscato, I do find myself getting philosophical.  The damn wine will do that you!!!  Anyways, I recently read a blog entry entitled 'A List of the Things It Took Me Fifty Years To Learn' by Scott Elbin.  (http://eblingroup.com/2011/04/a-list-of-things-it-took-me-fifty-years-to-learn.html...check it out!)  It was a great list, and really, a good list for the future.  It got me thinking about own list.  What has 50 years of living taught me?  I want to add these few to Scott's list.

1.  Never apologize for your past.  We all need to be humbled and apologize for the hurt we've caused others. We can't move on and grow in our lives until we do so.  But never apologize for what you went through personally.  It is what has made you, you.  I know that I caused my family and friends pain and sorrow during the last 50 years.  I was a rebellious teenager and a selfish,  young adult, and I've made my amends.   But without those experiences and the hard lessons, I would not be the woman I am today.  While I have my flaws...and a lot of them, just ask Rick...I have learned from my mistakes and used those lessons to be a better  daughter, sister, teacher, community member and friend.

2.  Admitting you were wrong is liberating.  Now Rick will say that I think I'm never wrong, and he is right.  However, I have learned that when you are wrong it is better to just admit.  It has a way of freeing your mind and soul.  Once you admit it, you can process, learn and move on.  I've only learned this in recent years.  So wish I had done it sooner!   Pride is such a waste of time.

3.  We all learn at our own pace.  Over the years I have had numerous snippets of advice..some solicited and some not!  I would say 98% of it was spot on.  But if you aren't ready to hear it, then it doesn't mean a damn thing!  No two life journeys are the same, and we have to go at our own paces.  We just have to remember to thank those who supported us  along the way

4.  It will all make sense as we grow older.  I never understood the whole 'I don't care' attitude of those who were older than me.  Now I get it!  At some point in life, we all realize what's important in life and what makes you happy.  When you turn 50, it really is about making the most of what's left of your life. There's a choice:  enjoy it or waste it.  What an aha moment when you realize this!

5.  Fears hold us back. When I was young, I made some bad decisions.  Many of them were made out of fear of having my flaws and insecurities revealed to the my family and friends. Those decisions kept me from growing.   Once I turned my life around a whole new set of fears enveloped me.  But over the years I have been systematically facing them.  It is so amazing to conquer a fear.  You are like 'why didn't I do this sooner!'

6.  Humor really is the secret to life.  If you can't laugh at yourself, your aren't living.  I crack myself up everyday. Laughing just makes me feel better.  According to Beth Adkins, my roommate in Europe, I even laugh in my sleep!  I know that feel better smiling than frowning.

7.  Your dog really is your best friend.  Sophie never lets me down!  She loves me unconditionally and will take my secrets to her grave.  She accepts my faults and loves me any way.  She listens to my fears and licks away my tears.  If only I could be as loving as my dog!

So, that's what I've learned over the years.  So what do I have planned for the next 50?  Well, that's easy.  I plan to make the best of each day that God gives me. I will continue to harangue Rick every day for a Golden Doodle until I get one.  I will travel the world and see and learn new things. I will get healthier so I can do the things God still has in store for me.  I will live it with humor, humility and honor.  I will laugh and make fun of myself each day.  I will humble myself in front of others when I'm wrong and ask for needed forgiveness.  I will honor each day by making each one of them count to the best of my ability.  I will love myself unconditionally.  I will become the grown up I know I can be.

Well, off to bed so I can be well rested for tomorrow.  I have a big day planned.  After all, it is the first day of the second half of my life!

Make Every Day Count......
Denise

Sometimes the Journey is the Destination

While in Paris we found The Shakespeare and Company bookstore.  It was a reader's dream.  I personally could have spent an entire day in there.  I found a book entitled "La Seduction: How the French Play the Game of Life".  Given the rudeness of the French, I decided to try to figure out how they think! After all there had to be a really good reason for anyone to act the way the Parisians do!   As I was heading to the checkout counter, I looked down and saw some journals. They were cute and funky!  The one that caught my eye was entitled,  "Sometimes the Journey is the Destination".  This really struck a chord with me and I immediately bought it.

Over the last 5 days I have really had the time to reflect on my trip to London and Paris.  While the memories and landmarks take center stage, I always end up straying from the obvious and start focusing on my personal growth from the trip.  London and Paris were simply stops along the way to my final destination...self discovery! When Mrs. Adkins first approached me about the trip, I immediately said, "Sign me up!"  It was a trip of a lifetime.   As the trip started to get closer, I really began to second guess my decision.  In theory, it was a great idea. I loved the idea of going to Europe and I loved telling people I was going to Europe.  However, in reality, I was having major doubts.  

Those of you who know me well know that I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.  What most people don't realize that such attacks can really destroy one's self confidence.  So many of my friends think I am confident and self-assured.  It's how I come across to others.  The truth of the matter is that I am a scared little girl inside.  I am always in fear of the next attack!  The fear can really paralyze people and keep them from experiencing life.  My mind started to play tricks with me.  I started imagining every possible scenario, and I really worked myself up with doubt.  I kept asking myself why I was putting myself in uncomfortable situations.  I mean let's face it.  Why would someone who doesn't like to fly put herself in a plane for 7.5 hours?  Why would someone who can't speak a lick of French go to a country that doesn't speak English?  Why would someone who prefers a routine over spontaneity go one a no holds barred trip?  Why would someone who requires 8-10 hours of sleep a night knowingly agree to a trip that might only yield 5-6 hours of slumber time a night?  Why would someone who is afraid of new ideas and experiences agree to chaperone a trip where she is responsible for the well being of someone else's children?  Why would someone who has a nervous bladder agree to go to countries that don't believe in free and numerous public bathrooms?  What the hell was I thinking?

Luckily I surround myself with wonderful, smart friends who are always willing to listen to my irrational fears and give me really good advice.  My friend Barb told me that I just needed to live in the moment.  She shared her own experiences of being so concerned about the whole trip that she lost sight of the now.  It was the greatest advice I ever received.  Now, don't misunderstand me.  I have had many people tell me this before, but I wasn't ready to accept it until now.  I guess this would be the start of my journey to my final destination.  I forced myself to live in the moment.  I took in every second and kept myself from thinking too far in advance.  

The outcome was amazing.  I learned that I can overcome my fear of flying and go anywhere in the world I want to go.  The possibilities are overwhelming.  I also learned that I can learn how to navigate unknown territories.  I have avoided big cities in the past because I didn't have the confidence to maneuver public transportation.  Not anymore!  I not only overcame my fear of the subway system, but I also was confident  in my ability of being in charge of others.  I tackled the Louvre!  I have always been uncomfortable in large crowds.  I not only was  able to co-exist with 100s of thousands of people, but I could read a map and find the exhibits that the kids wanted to see.  I conquered the language barrier!  I took on a non-English speaking waiter and managed to order and enjoy a wonderful French meal in a wonderful, little, outdoor cafe.  I even had the courage to thwart two pick pocketers, one creeper and three very aggressive Parisians.  I have to say that I surprised even myself.  I simply blossomed from the experience.  I do have what it takes to overcome my fears and live an exciting life.  I am proud of me!

Sometimes the journey is the destination.  How lucky am I that I got to see some beautiful sights along the way!  I can only pray that every one of you reading this post have the opportunity to go on your own journeys.  There is nothing like it.  In the weeks and months to come, I will share with you some of my experiences, stories and observations from my trip.  I hope you enjoy it.

Make Every Day Count......
Denise