Brangelina Who?

Evening Readers….

Move over Brangelina!  You are old news. Shamy, who?  Sorry Bennifer, you are about to uncouple.   There is a new power team in town, and they are taking over the world!  Okay, maybe not the world, but definitely 34th Street in Newark. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you, the one and only

Sophie and Joey otherwise known as SoJoe!  That's right, I have a moniker for my fur babies!  It all came about because I needed a word when referring to both of them.  Since they are opposite sexes, girls nor boys would  work.  Sometimes I call them kids!  But that just gets you weird stares at 7 in the morning when you are walking through the hood, and your neighbors hear you. One day while picking up dog poo, they started chasing a bunny and all hell broke loose.  So, I pulled a Judy Gray and started yelling all of the kids' names at one time.  Needless to say, in my frustration, the word SoJoe came out of my mouth, and it has stuck!  After all, they are definitely worthy of their own smash up name!  I mean look at them!  They ooze entitlement!  For those of you who live under a rock or in another country and don't know me, Sophie is the white dog and belongs to me.  Joey is obviously the black one and belongs to my boyfriend Mark.

When we moved into the new house, so did the dogs.  Prior to moving,  they both were accustomed to being an only dog and,  quite frankly,  spoiled rotten.  Now Sophie has always had another dog around whether it was her sister Stormy, who passed 3 years ago or the neighbor dogs, Lady, Ebony, Buffy and Dot.  Joey, on the other  hand, was the center of the universe for Mark and his mom.   Poor Joey, he had no idea what was going to happen to him when he met Miss Sophie Marie.  His nose was definitely bent out of shape when he had to share his dad.  He didn't like it much!  However, he has come around and looks forward to Sophie's weekly visits.  I personally think it's because he knows that when she is here, he will get an egg on his food each morning.  Of course that is all contingent on her staying away from his food when it is served!  And Sophie, she just looks at him as if he is an idiot!  She is her mother's daughter and doesn't tolerate nonsense well.

Well, that all changed today.  After 4 weeks of togetherness,  they have finally bonded as a team.  You see Joey has some separation issues.  Prior to moving here, he stayed with Mark, his mom and son  and very rarely was left alone.  Well, in less than 4 weeks, I go back to school and Mark is working 12 hour days at his new job.  Therefore, Joey has been subjected to crate training.  Let's just say, he's not a fan!  In fact he hides under the bed if he even thinks there is a possibility that I am leaving.  So, Mark and I decided to try to pen him up in the kitchen on short trips to town to see how he does.  So far, so good.  He's been able to keep it together for up to 2 hours.  Today we had Sophie.   Now Sophie has been free range for 13 of her 14 years!  She's a pro!

Well, Mark had a dentist appointment and I had a baby shower.  We were going to overlap by 30 minutes.  The decision was made to pen Joey in the kitchen and let Sophie have the rest of the house.  We separated them with the baby gate.  While at the shower I got a reply to may message asking how it went.  He said the dentist went fine!  SoJoe, not so good! He said that " both were in the kitchen and the baby gate was destroyed.  Really, no joke"  I guess you can call it an epic failure!  As you can see

 from the picture, the baby gate was still standing, but had a hole in it!    Given that all of the missing pieces were in the living room, we are assuming that Miss Sophie did the damage.  What we are not sure about is how she got on the other side!  You see the hole is not big enough for a 44 pound dog to go through it.  It is too tall for a 14-year old arthritic dog to jump.  Unless Joey jumped it first and helped Sophie over it, we are at a loss for an explanation!    Just like the mystery of the shit on the wall.  (See my entry "Because Ryan Paxton said so!" for that story!)

So you see, SoJoe is a force to be reckoned with!  They accomplish the unthinkable!  They have super dog powers or something!  Or they are simply smarter than their owners!  All I can say is to stay tuned.  I have a feeling this is only the first of many SoJoe stories to come!

Make Every Day Count,
Denise

Because Ryan Paxton said so!

Hello blog readers!

Long time no speak!  Did you miss me?!?!?!  Well, apparently Ryan Paxton did!  Tonight while whipping me up with his pretty stick, he informed me that I needed to start blogging again!  It seems he gets a big kick out of reading my posts.  According to him, I type exactly like I talk when I'm sitting in his salon chair!  So, Ry-Ry, this one is for you.

There has been a plethora of new, exciting things happening in my life!  If you are a regular reader, then you know there are a million "Denise" stories to tell.  The kind of stories that only happen to me!  So, I guess I'll start with the most recent story that I'll title like a Nancy Drew book, "The Mystery of the Shit on the Wall"!

Yep,  you read that correctly, shit on the wall!  So, here's the back story!  We moved into our first home last week.  That move included blending our dogs, Sophie and Joey.  We did everything according to the Dog Whisperer, and for the most part, all is going well!  As long as Sophie doesn't try to get Mark's attention when Joey is on Mark's lap, all is dandy.  That's really the only time Joey growls at Sophie.  For her part, Sophie pretty much ignores Joey.  She's old like me and doesn't have to time for any nonsense!  We just don't play like that! LOL

Okay…to the shit part!  So, yesterday Mark and I needws to run a quick errand.  We debated because this would have been their first time together alone.  Joey has to be caged because he is a sporadic addict and can't be trusted on his own.  Sophie is 14 years old and has been roaming free for years.  So, we figured they would be just fine on their own.

After a quick 35 minute trip to Giant Eagle and back, we found everyone alive and well.  Upon arriving home, I immediately let Joey out of the cage when I noticed that his muzzle was completely soaked.  I knew right then that he cried and worked his self up into a tizzy while we were gone.  Normally we put his bark collar on to keep him subdued just for this reason.  But, with Sophie there, we thought he would remain calm.  Wrong!  So, I took him outside and he peed.  When I went back in I checked his rug under the cage.  He chews up the plastic trays so we put the rug in case there are accidents.  The rug was dry!  Yay Joey!  You are were a good boy and didn't potty while we were gone.  As I put the cage back down, I noticed it….brown spots on the wall behind the cage.  I yelled for Mark to come in the living room right now!  He's a good boyfriend and came immediately.  He's like, "What's up?"  I said, "Look at the wall and tell me what the hell that is!" We both got up close and investigated.  We looked at each other at the same time and said, "Is that shit?"!!!  WTF!

I immediately got a towel, soap and water and started scrubbing the wall.  A quick sniff test was administered.  Lo and behold, it was determined to be shit.  How the hell did that happen?  So I started my investigation.  I checked the cage..no shit!  I checked the floor… no shit!  I checked puppy asses…no shit! I checked the rug again…no shit!  I kid you not, there was no trace of shit anywhere else, but on the wall!  Folks, I'm not making this shit up…pun intended!  How did shit get on the wall but no where else?  Our only reasoning is that one of the dogs farted and it was a wet one!  If Joey did it, he is a pro!  Not one stray poop droplet anywhere but on the wall.  If it was Sophie, she is a magician and can shrink herself to fit the 5 inches between the wall and the cage.

Too bad Nancy Drew and/or the Hardy Boys weren't available.  I'm sure they would have figured it out in no time flat.  So until a clue surfaces to solve the mystery, Joey and Sophie will now be confined to the unfinished side of the basement!

As with any Denise story, there is usually a silver lining. So,  If you're going to shit in the living room, at least do it on the wall and NOT the white carpeting!  Much easier to clean!

Make Every Day Count
Denise

Lessons From the Couch

Most of my friends and family know that I have been sick with bronchitis and ear infections.  This is the first time since 1997 that I suffered through with an ailment that required me to miss more than 1 day of work.  I was couch ridden for 8 days which resulted in 3 days of missed work!  Thank goodness for a snow day and Martin Luther King Day or it would have been more!  Luckily I am on the mend now and starting to resemble something close to a human being.  If you ask my students I'm sure they would disagree with human part, but that my friends is for another post.

Now that I am feeling my oats again I have had time to reflect on the last 8 days of cooties.  I have come to realize that in every chapter of our lives, there is something to be gleaned from it.  The couch is no different.  So here are the lessons I learned from the couch.

1.  I suck at being sick.  I am grouchy, bitchy, and nasty.  I really don't mean to make others pay for my misery, but it happens.  I know it's not anyone's fault that I'm sick, but if I'm going down I want to take others with me.  For this, I am sorry to those who tried to help me.  It was appreciated even though it was harder to see than a needle in a haystack.  Disclaimer:  I am a teacher in a rural high school, so there is actually approximately 700+ people I could blame for disseminating their germs onto me.  However now that I'm better, I go back to being Pollyanna and refuse to name any suspects.

2.  Every single girl needs a couple of good dude friends.  At the same time that I went down sick, so did Betty White, my cute little convertible.  She decided to quit spewing hot air during the arctic blast.  I guess you could say she had bronchitis too!  Without the kindness and bravery of my friend Larry, I would have spent valuable couch time in the waiting room of the car dealership waiting on a diagnosis for Betty.  With the risk of catching the crud, he transported me to and fro from the garage.  And he was kind enough to not wince every time I coughed up a lung guppie or blew millions of germs into the much used kleenex.  The news wasn't' good for Betty.  Her prescription was 100 time more than my $100 doctor/pharmacy bill.  Enter good dude #2.  My friend and personal mechanic Craig who came to my rescue and fixed her for $40.  Deduce from that what you want!

3.  I am blessed to have so many good friends in my life.  They offered to help ease my pain with food, phone calls, texts, rides, errands and more.  I am even  blessed to have a few great friends as well.  You know the kind who take great pride torturing you when you're down.  The ones who send you text messages and emails that will purposely make you laugh knowing damn well that you will start convulsively coughing that eventually leads into pissing your pants.   You know who you are (Shelly, Courtney and Shona)!  Side note:  One of these wonderful great friends is now sick herself.  Karma?!?!?!?

4.  Always have plenty of laundry detergent.  So you can wash all of the above pissed on pants and underwear.

5.  Mother Nature doesn't play nice so always have feminine products on hand no matter how old you are.  After over 6 months of bliss, I had a visit from my "friend".  You menopausal women know what  I'm talking about!  Nothing more discouraging than thinking you are through with periods to have one sneak up on you, and when you are sicker than a dog!  How does that freaking happen?  Now the countdown begins again!

6.   Adults are addicted to social media just as much as teenagers.  While planted on the couch, I passed the time playing Words with Friends, Candy Crush, Trivia Crack and Dice with Buddies.  It's amazing how many of my opponents were playing through out the day when they were supposed to be working.  Hmmm…….  Just saying!  I do want to take this time to thank all of you for entertaining me while recuperating!

7. I am one of those Facebook people.  My name is Denise and I over post and over share.  Enough said.

8.  Every girl needs a man who loves her even at her worst.  While coughing so hard that I was peeing my pants while simultaneously wiping the snot from my nose with my sweatshirt sleeve and passing horrible gas, my guy looked up at me and said, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world and I love you." I am a lucky girl!

Make Every Day Count,
Denise