In The Closet

Last week I was called a Redneck Barbie!  My long time hairdresser, Ryan Paxton, called me that as he was turning me into a red head.  (Yes, Ryan, I just called you out on the world wide web!  I told you it was only a matter of time!)At the time we had a great laugh.  A couple of days later I got to thinking about it.  What exactly is a Redneck Barbie?  And is being called one a compliment?  

To me a redneck is a rebel flag waving, deer eating, monster truck driving, dip rubbing, camouflage wearing, gun toting lover.  I am none of those things.  I cry every time I hear the Star-Spangle Banner.  You will never catch me eating anything found living in the wild. Oh wait, I lied!  I do eat morel mushrooms when friends are willing to share!  I drive a convertible.  I don't rub anything except for my dog's belly each night. I don't own anything that even resembles camouflage or a Carhardtt.  Now, to be honest, if it came in pink I might reconsider.  I don't own a gun because I'm afraid of them.  In fact, I have this reoccurring nightmare about guns. However, my nephew, the Columbus City policeman, has agreed to take me to the firing range to teach me  how to shoot one. But this is part of my bucket list and fodder for a different post! So based on my definition of a redneck, I can say unequivocally  that I am not a Redneck Barbie.

Ryan is right,  though. (Yes Ryan, I just said you are right on the world wide web! )  I am some kind of a Barbie. I just think Ryan has confused  being a tomboy with a redneck.  So after much consideration, I have decided that I am a In the Closet Barbie.  You see,  inside of my sweatshirt, tennis shoes, blue jean exterior, there is a beauty queen wanting to come out.  But for whatever reason, I just can't let her out.

I have many diva traits.  I love purses!  Some girls have 50 pairs of shoes.  Not me, I have purses!!  Now I don't own any Coaches, or Vera Wangs, or Kate Spades.  Well, not real ones anyways!!!  I'm easily bored with purses and change them out every 6 weeks or so.  So, I can't purchase a $400 purse to only use for 6 weeks, right?!?!?!  I love bling!  I think an outfit is not complete without baubles hanging from my ears.  I don't go out of the house without my earrings.  I will be dressed in a worn out pair of sweats, but my ears will sparkle!  I love Hollywood.  I am obsessed with the clothes they wear.  Nothing I like more than watching award shows just to see all of the pretty clothes and jewelry.  In fact I have a couple of Hollywood websites that I check out everyday.  I have to admit that I always cast my votes for 'who wore it best' surveys whenever I come across one!  I love fashion.  I don't wear it but I love it.  I can sit at Easton for hours and just watch people walk by.  I love to see what is new and cool. Just tonight I spent 30 minutes in line at Giant Eagle.  I amused myself by looking at all of the fashionable coats, scarves, boots, and other apparel.  People probably think I'm a creeper because I check out their outfits!!!

So, why don't I come out and announce my inner diva to the world?  It's simple.  I am  fat,  cheap and lazy!  It takes a nice body to find clothes that fit right.  I'm overweight, and I can't seem to find clothes that look killer on me.  If I get them to fit at the waist then it is too big in the butt.  If it fits in the shoulders, it is too long on my torso.  I could go on, but you get the picture.  Sales ladies are always saying that I can get stuff altered.  In there lies problem #2...I'm cheap!  If I had the money to spend on clothes I would!!!  But the truth of matter is I just don't have the money to spend on clothing.  I have too many hobbies (quilting, scrapbooking, card making, reading, gardening) that demand a portion of my wages each pay day!  May be someday when my house, car and VISA bill are paid off, I can start building up my wardrobe.  Lastly, I'm lazy!  I know to look that good, I have to be willing to spend time doing my hair and make up.  I'm going to be honest..as if I am anything but, right?  If I can't be showered, dried, clothed and gussied up within 30 minutes, it's not going to happen.  I love my sleep too much!  It also explains why my hair is always short too!  I can dry it in 5 minutes or less!

So, I guess for now I will keep  my Barbie self in the closet.  I hope someday to  unleash her on to the world.  Until that day, I will just keep to my tomboy ways enjoying my baubles, bling and purses while sporting my  otherwise tomboy attire! Every now and then I will let her out to play on special occasions.  Then put her back until she is ready to face the world full time!  Yep, I guess I you can call me a In The Closet Barbie!

Make Every Day Count....
Denise