Because Ryan Paxton said so!

Hello blog readers!

Long time no speak!  Did you miss me?!?!?!  Well, apparently Ryan Paxton did!  Tonight while whipping me up with his pretty stick, he informed me that I needed to start blogging again!  It seems he gets a big kick out of reading my posts.  According to him, I type exactly like I talk when I'm sitting in his salon chair!  So, Ry-Ry, this one is for you.

There has been a plethora of new, exciting things happening in my life!  If you are a regular reader, then you know there are a million "Denise" stories to tell.  The kind of stories that only happen to me!  So, I guess I'll start with the most recent story that I'll title like a Nancy Drew book, "The Mystery of the Shit on the Wall"!

Yep,  you read that correctly, shit on the wall!  So, here's the back story!  We moved into our first home last week.  That move included blending our dogs, Sophie and Joey.  We did everything according to the Dog Whisperer, and for the most part, all is going well!  As long as Sophie doesn't try to get Mark's attention when Joey is on Mark's lap, all is dandy.  That's really the only time Joey growls at Sophie.  For her part, Sophie pretty much ignores Joey.  She's old like me and doesn't have to time for any nonsense!  We just don't play like that! LOL

Okay…to the shit part!  So, yesterday Mark and I needws to run a quick errand.  We debated because this would have been their first time together alone.  Joey has to be caged because he is a sporadic addict and can't be trusted on his own.  Sophie is 14 years old and has been roaming free for years.  So, we figured they would be just fine on their own.

After a quick 35 minute trip to Giant Eagle and back, we found everyone alive and well.  Upon arriving home, I immediately let Joey out of the cage when I noticed that his muzzle was completely soaked.  I knew right then that he cried and worked his self up into a tizzy while we were gone.  Normally we put his bark collar on to keep him subdued just for this reason.  But, with Sophie there, we thought he would remain calm.  Wrong!  So, I took him outside and he peed.  When I went back in I checked his rug under the cage.  He chews up the plastic trays so we put the rug in case there are accidents.  The rug was dry!  Yay Joey!  You are were a good boy and didn't potty while we were gone.  As I put the cage back down, I noticed it….brown spots on the wall behind the cage.  I yelled for Mark to come in the living room right now!  He's a good boyfriend and came immediately.  He's like, "What's up?"  I said, "Look at the wall and tell me what the hell that is!" We both got up close and investigated.  We looked at each other at the same time and said, "Is that shit?"!!!  WTF!

I immediately got a towel, soap and water and started scrubbing the wall.  A quick sniff test was administered.  Lo and behold, it was determined to be shit.  How the hell did that happen?  So I started my investigation.  I checked the cage..no shit!  I checked the floor… no shit!  I checked puppy asses…no shit! I checked the rug again…no shit!  I kid you not, there was no trace of shit anywhere else, but on the wall!  Folks, I'm not making this shit up…pun intended!  How did shit get on the wall but no where else?  Our only reasoning is that one of the dogs farted and it was a wet one!  If Joey did it, he is a pro!  Not one stray poop droplet anywhere but on the wall.  If it was Sophie, she is a magician and can shrink herself to fit the 5 inches between the wall and the cage.

Too bad Nancy Drew and/or the Hardy Boys weren't available.  I'm sure they would have figured it out in no time flat.  So until a clue surfaces to solve the mystery, Joey and Sophie will now be confined to the unfinished side of the basement!

As with any Denise story, there is usually a silver lining. So,  If you're going to shit in the living room, at least do it on the wall and NOT the white carpeting!  Much easier to clean!

Make Every Day Count
Denise

Lessons From the Couch

Most of my friends and family know that I have been sick with bronchitis and ear infections.  This is the first time since 1997 that I suffered through with an ailment that required me to miss more than 1 day of work.  I was couch ridden for 8 days which resulted in 3 days of missed work!  Thank goodness for a snow day and Martin Luther King Day or it would have been more!  Luckily I am on the mend now and starting to resemble something close to a human being.  If you ask my students I'm sure they would disagree with human part, but that my friends is for another post.

Now that I am feeling my oats again I have had time to reflect on the last 8 days of cooties.  I have come to realize that in every chapter of our lives, there is something to be gleaned from it.  The couch is no different.  So here are the lessons I learned from the couch.

1.  I suck at being sick.  I am grouchy, bitchy, and nasty.  I really don't mean to make others pay for my misery, but it happens.  I know it's not anyone's fault that I'm sick, but if I'm going down I want to take others with me.  For this, I am sorry to those who tried to help me.  It was appreciated even though it was harder to see than a needle in a haystack.  Disclaimer:  I am a teacher in a rural high school, so there is actually approximately 700+ people I could blame for disseminating their germs onto me.  However now that I'm better, I go back to being Pollyanna and refuse to name any suspects.

2.  Every single girl needs a couple of good dude friends.  At the same time that I went down sick, so did Betty White, my cute little convertible.  She decided to quit spewing hot air during the arctic blast.  I guess you could say she had bronchitis too!  Without the kindness and bravery of my friend Larry, I would have spent valuable couch time in the waiting room of the car dealership waiting on a diagnosis for Betty.  With the risk of catching the crud, he transported me to and fro from the garage.  And he was kind enough to not wince every time I coughed up a lung guppie or blew millions of germs into the much used kleenex.  The news wasn't' good for Betty.  Her prescription was 100 time more than my $100 doctor/pharmacy bill.  Enter good dude #2.  My friend and personal mechanic Craig who came to my rescue and fixed her for $40.  Deduce from that what you want!

3.  I am blessed to have so many good friends in my life.  They offered to help ease my pain with food, phone calls, texts, rides, errands and more.  I am even  blessed to have a few great friends as well.  You know the kind who take great pride torturing you when you're down.  The ones who send you text messages and emails that will purposely make you laugh knowing damn well that you will start convulsively coughing that eventually leads into pissing your pants.   You know who you are (Shelly, Courtney and Shona)!  Side note:  One of these wonderful great friends is now sick herself.  Karma?!?!?!?

4.  Always have plenty of laundry detergent.  So you can wash all of the above pissed on pants and underwear.

5.  Mother Nature doesn't play nice so always have feminine products on hand no matter how old you are.  After over 6 months of bliss, I had a visit from my "friend".  You menopausal women know what  I'm talking about!  Nothing more discouraging than thinking you are through with periods to have one sneak up on you, and when you are sicker than a dog!  How does that freaking happen?  Now the countdown begins again!

6.   Adults are addicted to social media just as much as teenagers.  While planted on the couch, I passed the time playing Words with Friends, Candy Crush, Trivia Crack and Dice with Buddies.  It's amazing how many of my opponents were playing through out the day when they were supposed to be working.  Hmmm…….  Just saying!  I do want to take this time to thank all of you for entertaining me while recuperating!

7. I am one of those Facebook people.  My name is Denise and I over post and over share.  Enough said.

8.  Every girl needs a man who loves her even at her worst.  While coughing so hard that I was peeing my pants while simultaneously wiping the snot from my nose with my sweatshirt sleeve and passing horrible gas, my guy looked up at me and said, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world and I love you." I am a lucky girl!

Make Every Day Count,
Denise

Letter to Cancer

Dear Cancer


F-*-C-K   Y-O-U!

Signed

Ben, Terri, Susan and Sharon's Friend,

To View or Not To View…That is the Question!

As a small child, my two favorite toys were Barbie dolls and books. While the Barbies have faded away to just a distance memory, the books have not.  It all started with my Grandma Hershberger and  my three Aunties Hershberger reading Cinderella to an adolescent Denise.  …. over and over again I.  Every gift giving occasion I would receive books.  I had the entire Nancy Drew series…until my mother sold them in a yard sale while I was at college.  But we will save that whole story for another post.   And yes, at 52, I'm still bitter about it. 

Sorry, I digressed for a moment…back to the task at hand.  To this day I read every moment I can.  I always have at least 5 books downloaded and waiting on my Kindle.  One of those books was The Book Thief by Markus Zusak.  I watched the movie on my flight back from Paris.  I loved the movie!   

So, I did something that I rarely do.  I bought the book after watching the movie.  Well, that was in March, but didn't get to the book until this August when my book club selected as the read of the month.  I was excited because I was actually

going to read the book!  I was apprehensive as I had seen the movie already.  We all know how the movies can ruin books.  I, too, was a book snob and thought the movies never did the book justice.  That is until now.  

My friend, Barb Whyte, and I had a discussion not long ago about the book.  She wasn't feeling it at first because she is a plot driven reader. (She is a retired English teacher after all!).  I was loving the book because we decided that I was a word driven reader.  I want the words to dance off of the page and take somewhere.  And boy did The Book Thief come alive for me…But not just because of the words, but because I saw the movie.  The imagery in the book was spectacular.  But when it was enhanced by my own reference to watching the movie, I was memorized.   I could see Liesel and Rudy and Rosa and Papa and Death in my mind every word of the book.  I could feel and smell the weather, the smoke,  the accordion, the death and destruction.  I could hear the bombs and I taste the horrible pea soup.  The entire book came alive like I have never experienced with any other book.  I contribute it all to watching the movie first.  

 

I was talking to a coworker about the book, and he told me he always watches the movie first whenever possible.  He says it makes the book more real.  The bonus is that you get added surprises with the book.  We all know that in order to convert a book to a movie, there are always parts omitted from movies.  So, when you read a book after the movie, you get an added bonus.  I have to agree with Chris.  This was a different experience for me.  Then I started thinking what it would have been like if I had read the Harry Potter books after the movies!  Or what about The Twilight series!  I could go on, and on, and on, but get the drift.

Now while I can't wait for every book I want to read to come out as a movie first, I do know that my reading experience will be heightened if I read it after the  fact.  What about you?  What do you think? To view or not to view?  That is the question?  What a paradigm shift!

Make A Every Day Count

Denise

"Go To The Doctor", they said!

I have been having some minor health issues the last six months.  Everyone told me it sounds like gall gladder issues.  So, two weeks ago, I was in so much pain that I actually called and made an appointment.  Why?   Beecause they all said, "Go to the doctor".  Well, they all suck!  Because now I find myself in a strict dietary hell!  He thinks it is thyroid and, therefore, a special diet is needed.

For the next 21 days my diet consists of the following:

Breakfast:  cereal and a banana
Mid morning snack:  granola bar
Lunch:  a Slim Fast and a granola bar
Mid afternoon snack:  granola bar
Dinner:  light menu of my choice

Folks, this is everyday for 21 freaking days!!!!!  First of all, I am leery of anyone who drinks their meals!  It's just not right!  One must chew their meals not drinking them. Of course the disclaimer here is wine.  I guess you could drink your lunch if it were wine.   Seriously!

I have tickets to the OSU vs. Cincy game on the 27th with pre-game tail gate party.   Who the hell takes a slim fast and a granola bar to a tail-gate party!!!!!!!  Seriously?!?!?!?  I'm freaking out here!

I'm supposed to go the Coshocton County fair in two weeks.  What am I supposed to do?  Slep my slim fast and granola bar there too?!?!?!?!?  Sit back and watch everyone else eat fries, pepperoni on a stick, Lemon Shakeup and  a candy apple while I eat a vanilla slim fast and a freaking Fiber one bar.

How many of these friends who encouraged me to go the doctor are going to step up and support me in my food hell over the next three weeks?!??!?  Shelly already told me she'd do but didn't think she could.  She did promise to not eat in front of me!  Grrrrr….

So guess what I did tonight?  I acted like a spoiled teenager and went out and ate everything bad!  I had potato chips, Coke, Chipotle, Sour Patch kids and wine!

I always try to find a silver lining in everything.  So here it is:  At least I don't have to pack a lunch for school for the next 3 weeks.  I can just keep a supply of everything in my room.

After more bitching and pouting, I know I will see the positive outcomes of this diet.  But in the meantime, I'm stomping my feet, crossing my arms and glaring at the world.  Tomorrow will be a brighter day.

Make Every Day Count…
Denise

Bunnies….The Root of All Evil

Bunnies……Who doesn't love a cute, adorable bunny with its twinkling eyes, twitching nose and tufted tail?  Hopping long the bunny trail without a care in the world.  Well, I'm here to say the damn things are evil.   Evil I say!

Over the last 30 years, I've been blessed with 3 wonderful rescue dogs… Freeway, Stormy and Sophie.   Like any good dog mom, I have done my best to love and protect them.  I have provided them with a loving home, a safe place to play ball, a plethora of treats and piggy ears, a firm hand when needed, and  a thousand bike path journeys.  I have protected them against the bites of fleas and ticks, the inquisitive hands of small children, the confrontations of unfamiliar dogs, the invasion of heart worms, and the unwelcome sounds of storms, fire whistles, and fireworks.  But the one thing I have never been able to protect my dogs from is the menacing backyard varmint known as Thumper!  The devil himself dressed a cute, fluffy animal.

The evil bunny has wreaked havoc on the lives of my dogs and, therefore, on me for decades.  Let's start with the obvious. The number of hours and miles I've spent searching for my dogs after they chased the damn rabbits all over the neighborhood.  And for what?  The dogs never learned that the rabbit was faster then them.  I can count on one hand how many times they actually caught the damn thing.  Which leads me to the second reason I despise Peter CottonTail.  Sophie is the only dog who has ever caught rabbits!  Let me tell you that dog holds on to her hunting victims with a pride I've never seen.  It takes 3 people to prior a dead bunny from here clenched jaws!  And for some reason I was always the only brave one who was willing to put my hands in mouth to pry the jaw open!  I guess you never know how strong you are until you have to open the mouth of a 50 pound Terrier!

Let me tell you, bunnies are cunning.  In order to keep the dogs safe in the yard, we installed the invisible fence.  While it kept Stormy and Sophie in, it was also a source torture mechanism for Thumper.  Those damn rabbits would sit on the other side of the line just twitching their nose and taunting the dogs….  "Come get us if dare, chicken!" "What?  Afraid of a little low voltage zap?"  Eventually Sophie couldn't take it anymore and would bolt across the line after the backyard bully.  Of course yelping when she made contact with the electrical force.  Then, she would repeat the sound when she had to crossed back over the line to reenter the homestead.  

Little Rabbit Foo-Foo has also cost injury and, therefore, monetary duress.  While chasing one of the hares around the back 40, Sophie's leg caught in a mole tunnel and she fell.  The resulting outcome was  a ripped ACL and major surgery.  That little episode cost $1500 and a 3 month recovery process.  Every time I watch her walk, I am reminded of that horrendous day and the evilness of the bunny.   I, too, have been injured by the rabbit.  While on a walk around Dawes Arboretum, Sophie spotted a bunny that I did not see.  The dog took after the animal while I was walking a different direction.  Sophie pulled my arm so hard, it resemble a child's water sprinkler break dancing across the lawn.  I'm reminded of that day every time I try to raise my right arm higher than my shoulder!  

But the final straw came last week.  While hanging out in the backyard one sunny afternoon, Sophie spied a bunny under the pine tree.  Sophie went on high alert!  With her nose to the ground, she ambled over to the bunny.  Instead of taking off, Thumper just sat there with a taunting look in his eye.  In fact, I'm pretty sure he was laughing on the inside.  The two engaged in a stare down…the rabbit's whiskers were twitching and Sophie's tail on point.  Sophie was the first to leap!  The rabbit started to scamper with Sophie in chase.  But then, it happened.  After about 10 feet Sophie just stopped.  Her 2 year old spunk was snuffed out by her 12 year old arthritic body.  She couldn't physical go any further.  It broke my heart.  In a split second I was reminded that my baby girl wasn't a young pup anymore.  Sophie had aged just like me.  We are both young at heart, but old in body.  Stupid rabbit!  It made me  face the reality that my best buddy was old and closer to the end of her life rather than the beginning.  It hurt my heart.

However, anytime you face the devil, God is there trying to help you learn the lesson.  As I wrote this post, I realized that it was a blessing in disguise.  I will approach each day with Sophie as a blessing and learn to treasure each moment I have left with her.  So, in honor of National Dog Day,  I wish all of you blessed moments with your man's best friend.  May you treasure the time you have together.

Make Every Day Count

Denise

Eighty Pages of WAHO

     Well, another summer has come and gone with lightening speed.  The end of summer signals the beginning of a new school year.  It's hard to believe that I will be starting my 31th year of teaching. When I started out teaching back in 1984, I couldn't even picture myself being one of the "seasoned" veterans on staff!  Heck, at the end of the last school year, I couldn't even see myself going back for one more year………

     

     Why, you ask?  What's the deal Edmunds?  You don't like teaching the youth of the Valley anymore?  Well, the truth is I had a rough year last year.  It happens to the best of us.  Some years are unbelievably awesome and some years are less than stellar.  There are many reasons that it happens:  mix of students, number of preps, stress, change, etc.  It's different for everyone.  So for me the summer following a challenging year can be one of discontent and discouragement.  If I allow myself, I can hide in my house and throw myself a daily pity party!  When I get like that I remember what a wise woman once said to me…"Denise, when you can't help  yourself, you need to help others.  In turn they will help  you find your light again."  After the second week of summer, I did just that.  I put on my big girl panties and mapped out my journey to a happier me.  

     As you all know, I am a crafter.  More specifically a quilter and paper crafter.  So, I decided to use my love of creating to help others.  The first ideas I got was what I called "Eighty pages of WAHO".  My friend Beth Adkins has a foundation called the Wyatt Adkins Heart Organization.  The foundation is named after her son Wyatt who passed away at the age of 6 months due to heart ailments.  WAHO has to ministries:  The WAHO Scrapbook Packets and the WAHO Community Playground Project.   When Wyatt was in the Children's Hospital, he was always hooked up to many machines, monitors, etc.  It weighed heavily on Beth that people mostly saw Wyatt as a sick boy in the hospital.  So she got the idea to create a 12" X 12" scrapbook page showing a different side of Wyatt.  Then she took it to the hospital to put on his crib so others could see Wyatt in a different light.  After his passing, Beth decided to make it a ministry by supplying the hospital with the scrapbook pages for other parents to use to let the world know about their child.  

So, I decided to use my love of scrapbooking to help the WAHO foundation.  My plan was to make 10 pages a week for the remainder of the summer.  I looked at the calendar and realized that there were 8 weeks left.  So, 8 X 10 = 80 Pages of WAHO.  I have to say it was addicted.  I found myself wanting to do just one more!  The pages will now go to Beth Adkins who has a group of students who volunteer their time to putting the packets together.  When she has a few hundred of them, Beth takes them to Columbus Children's Hospital.  So, if you visit the hospital and see a packet hanging from a crib, it just might be one that I made.  For more information about WAHO, go to http://wyattadkinsheart.org

While I love to paper craft, I wanted to do something with quilting.  It is my first love!  I belong to the Heart of Ohio Quilters Guild.  Our group of 150+ women and men have a number of service projects that we contribute to year after year.  One of my favorites is the Quilts of Valor Foundation.  The goal is to provide every wounded solider an Americana quilt as they recover.  A wonderful woman by the name of Judy Keck started our local group.  So, I teamed up with my friend Barb to do a quilt.  She had the strips already cut.  So I sewed them together to make the quilt pictured to the right.  Barb will now take the quilt and quilt it on her long arm machine. 

Once it is bound we will donate to the QOV.  For more information about Quilts of Valor go to http://www.qovf.org

Both of these projects helped me put my life woes into order.  It felt so good to do something for someone else.  It opened my eyes to plights of others and helped me realized how blessed my life really is.  As I did more, the better I felt.  By the end of the summer, I was energized and ready for a new school year. That wise woman was right!  WAHO and QOV helped me find my light again.  

So, here's to a new school year!  May everyone had a prosperous and  amazing year.

Make Every Day Count

Denise