Lessons From the Couch

Most of my friends and family know that I have been sick with bronchitis and ear infections.  This is the first time since 1997 that I suffered through with an ailment that required me to miss more than 1 day of work.  I was couch ridden for 8 days which resulted in 3 days of missed work!  Thank goodness for a snow day and Martin Luther King Day or it would have been more!  Luckily I am on the mend now and starting to resemble something close to a human being.  If you ask my students I'm sure they would disagree with human part, but that my friends is for another post.

Now that I am feeling my oats again I have had time to reflect on the last 8 days of cooties.  I have come to realize that in every chapter of our lives, there is something to be gleaned from it.  The couch is no different.  So here are the lessons I learned from the couch.

1.  I suck at being sick.  I am grouchy, bitchy, and nasty.  I really don't mean to make others pay for my misery, but it happens.  I know it's not anyone's fault that I'm sick, but if I'm going down I want to take others with me.  For this, I am sorry to those who tried to help me.  It was appreciated even though it was harder to see than a needle in a haystack.  Disclaimer:  I am a teacher in a rural high school, so there is actually approximately 700+ people I could blame for disseminating their germs onto me.  However now that I'm better, I go back to being Pollyanna and refuse to name any suspects.

2.  Every single girl needs a couple of good dude friends.  At the same time that I went down sick, so did Betty White, my cute little convertible.  She decided to quit spewing hot air during the arctic blast.  I guess you could say she had bronchitis too!  Without the kindness and bravery of my friend Larry, I would have spent valuable couch time in the waiting room of the car dealership waiting on a diagnosis for Betty.  With the risk of catching the crud, he transported me to and fro from the garage.  And he was kind enough to not wince every time I coughed up a lung guppie or blew millions of germs into the much used kleenex.  The news wasn't' good for Betty.  Her prescription was 100 time more than my $100 doctor/pharmacy bill.  Enter good dude #2.  My friend and personal mechanic Craig who came to my rescue and fixed her for $40.  Deduce from that what you want!

3.  I am blessed to have so many good friends in my life.  They offered to help ease my pain with food, phone calls, texts, rides, errands and more.  I am even  blessed to have a few great friends as well.  You know the kind who take great pride torturing you when you're down.  The ones who send you text messages and emails that will purposely make you laugh knowing damn well that you will start convulsively coughing that eventually leads into pissing your pants.   You know who you are (Shelly, Courtney and Shona)!  Side note:  One of these wonderful great friends is now sick herself.  Karma?!?!?!?

4.  Always have plenty of laundry detergent.  So you can wash all of the above pissed on pants and underwear.

5.  Mother Nature doesn't play nice so always have feminine products on hand no matter how old you are.  After over 6 months of bliss, I had a visit from my "friend".  You menopausal women know what  I'm talking about!  Nothing more discouraging than thinking you are through with periods to have one sneak up on you, and when you are sicker than a dog!  How does that freaking happen?  Now the countdown begins again!

6.   Adults are addicted to social media just as much as teenagers.  While planted on the couch, I passed the time playing Words with Friends, Candy Crush, Trivia Crack and Dice with Buddies.  It's amazing how many of my opponents were playing through out the day when they were supposed to be working.  Hmmm…….  Just saying!  I do want to take this time to thank all of you for entertaining me while recuperating!

7. I am one of those Facebook people.  My name is Denise and I over post and over share.  Enough said.

8.  Every girl needs a man who loves her even at her worst.  While coughing so hard that I was peeing my pants while simultaneously wiping the snot from my nose with my sweatshirt sleeve and passing horrible gas, my guy looked up at me and said, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world and I love you." I am a lucky girl!

Make Every Day Count,
Denise