Sometimes the Journey is the Destination

While in Paris we found The Shakespeare and Company bookstore.  It was a reader's dream.  I personally could have spent an entire day in there.  I found a book entitled "La Seduction: How the French Play the Game of Life".  Given the rudeness of the French, I decided to try to figure out how they think! After all there had to be a really good reason for anyone to act the way the Parisians do!   As I was heading to the checkout counter, I looked down and saw some journals. They were cute and funky!  The one that caught my eye was entitled,  "Sometimes the Journey is the Destination".  This really struck a chord with me and I immediately bought it.

Over the last 5 days I have really had the time to reflect on my trip to London and Paris.  While the memories and landmarks take center stage, I always end up straying from the obvious and start focusing on my personal growth from the trip.  London and Paris were simply stops along the way to my final destination...self discovery! When Mrs. Adkins first approached me about the trip, I immediately said, "Sign me up!"  It was a trip of a lifetime.   As the trip started to get closer, I really began to second guess my decision.  In theory, it was a great idea. I loved the idea of going to Europe and I loved telling people I was going to Europe.  However, in reality, I was having major doubts.  

Those of you who know me well know that I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.  What most people don't realize that such attacks can really destroy one's self confidence.  So many of my friends think I am confident and self-assured.  It's how I come across to others.  The truth of the matter is that I am a scared little girl inside.  I am always in fear of the next attack!  The fear can really paralyze people and keep them from experiencing life.  My mind started to play tricks with me.  I started imagining every possible scenario, and I really worked myself up with doubt.  I kept asking myself why I was putting myself in uncomfortable situations.  I mean let's face it.  Why would someone who doesn't like to fly put herself in a plane for 7.5 hours?  Why would someone who can't speak a lick of French go to a country that doesn't speak English?  Why would someone who prefers a routine over spontaneity go one a no holds barred trip?  Why would someone who requires 8-10 hours of sleep a night knowingly agree to a trip that might only yield 5-6 hours of slumber time a night?  Why would someone who is afraid of new ideas and experiences agree to chaperone a trip where she is responsible for the well being of someone else's children?  Why would someone who has a nervous bladder agree to go to countries that don't believe in free and numerous public bathrooms?  What the hell was I thinking?

Luckily I surround myself with wonderful, smart friends who are always willing to listen to my irrational fears and give me really good advice.  My friend Barb told me that I just needed to live in the moment.  She shared her own experiences of being so concerned about the whole trip that she lost sight of the now.  It was the greatest advice I ever received.  Now, don't misunderstand me.  I have had many people tell me this before, but I wasn't ready to accept it until now.  I guess this would be the start of my journey to my final destination.  I forced myself to live in the moment.  I took in every second and kept myself from thinking too far in advance.  

The outcome was amazing.  I learned that I can overcome my fear of flying and go anywhere in the world I want to go.  The possibilities are overwhelming.  I also learned that I can learn how to navigate unknown territories.  I have avoided big cities in the past because I didn't have the confidence to maneuver public transportation.  Not anymore!  I not only overcame my fear of the subway system, but I also was confident  in my ability of being in charge of others.  I tackled the Louvre!  I have always been uncomfortable in large crowds.  I not only was  able to co-exist with 100s of thousands of people, but I could read a map and find the exhibits that the kids wanted to see.  I conquered the language barrier!  I took on a non-English speaking waiter and managed to order and enjoy a wonderful French meal in a wonderful, little, outdoor cafe.  I even had the courage to thwart two pick pocketers, one creeper and three very aggressive Parisians.  I have to say that I surprised even myself.  I simply blossomed from the experience.  I do have what it takes to overcome my fears and live an exciting life.  I am proud of me!

Sometimes the journey is the destination.  How lucky am I that I got to see some beautiful sights along the way!  I can only pray that every one of you reading this post have the opportunity to go on your own journeys.  There is nothing like it.  In the weeks and months to come, I will share with you some of my experiences, stories and observations from my trip.  I hope you enjoy it.

Make Every Day Count......
Denise