My yearly shopping event

May means so many things to so many people...prom, mowing, Memorial Day parties, graduation, summer vacations, etc.  For me it means the end of the school year and my annual pilgrimage to find an all purpose dress.  If you know me, you know that I would rather have my eyes poked out with an ice pick then shop clothes much less for a dress. But I must.  You see I need a dress for 5 different events in May:  prom, National Honor Society induction, senior awards night, senior banquet and graduation.  So I find one dress and get my money's worth!

In general I love dresses and skirts.  In fact I think the current styles are just adorable.  They have a lot of color, pattern and bling!  I love the bling.  The problem lies in the fact that I'm chunky.  When you are chunky there so many issues associated with clothes shopping.  The first problem is the mirror.  Baby, it don't lie!  The only time I see myself that naked is when I'm in a dressing room.  Chunky girls know what I'm saying.  There is no escaping the truth when you're in front of the mirror with the fluorescent lights.   Every imperfection, every roll, every bit of cellulite, every flabby part shows.  I see my head on a body that I don't recognize.

The second problem is the mirror.  Baby,  it  don't lie!  Chunky girls, you know what I'm talking about.  We search the racks of clothes and pick out the cutest things to try on.  We head to the dressing room confident that we have found the perfect outfit.  We put it on, go out to the three way mirror and pray it will look great.  We open our eyes and the mirror tells us the truth.  We have once again chosen to put our fluffy girl bodies into a skinny girl outfit!   The top gaps at the boobs,  the waist line shows our bulges, and let's just not go the booty area!   You know,  you know what I'm talking about!  

Well, today was that day.  I headed off to Cato's.  They have some of the flyest clothes at reasonable prices.  Let's face it, I'm not about to spend oodles on a dress that will only be worn 5 times in May.  Then it will go to the annual garage sale!  I saw some of the cutest, hippest dresses.  I tried on about 10 of them.  It was all bad!!!!!!  Here's the problem:  Every thing is in rayon right now.  Chunky girls are not made for Rayon.  I looked like a stack of tires!  Bad!!!!  In fact, I don't understand why the clothing manufacturers even make rayon clothing in anything over a size 10. It ain't right! And don't even get me started on skinny jeans for plus sizes.

Enough of my tirade.   I am happy to report that I now own a black skirt.  It borders on flattering, but not quite.  Let's just say it was the least offensive of everything I tried on.  I did buy two really cute tops to go with it.  One is a bright, funky, pink, geometric pattern.  The other is bright but a little more matronly. I did find some great flashy and trashy earrings to spice it up.  All I need now is a pair of Spanks to keep the rolls under control and the thighs from rubbing together.   

However, the most successful part of the trip today was the new purse I got.  I am a purse-a-holic.  I've never met one I didn't like.  It is leather and hot pink!  It has a bow on it and I totally rock it.  It clashes with my new red hair color, but I don't care.  I just know that purses have a way of dictating my moods.  If it is sassy, then so am I.  If it is boring, then so am I.  This May I will be strutting my Spanks and new size 14 skirt with a skinny girl attitude.  Like I said, it is all in the purse.

Make Every Day Count

Denise