Hello blog readers!
Long time no speak! Did you miss me?!?!?! Well, apparently Ryan Paxton did! Tonight while whipping me up with his pretty stick, he informed me that I needed to start blogging again! It seems he gets a big kick out of reading my posts. According to him, I type exactly like I talk when I'm sitting in his salon chair! So, Ry-Ry, this one is for you.
There has been a plethora of new, exciting things happening in my life! If you are a regular reader, then you know there are a million "Denise" stories to tell. The kind of stories that only happen to me! So, I guess I'll start with the most recent story that I'll title like a Nancy Drew book, "The Mystery of the Shit on the Wall"!
Yep, you read that correctly, shit on the wall! So, here's the back story! We moved into our first home last week. That move included blending our dogs, Sophie and Joey. We did everything according to the Dog Whisperer, and for the most part, all is going well! As long as Sophie doesn't try to get Mark's attention when Joey is on Mark's lap, all is dandy. That's really the only time Joey growls at Sophie. For her part, Sophie pretty much ignores Joey. She's old like me and doesn't have to time for any nonsense! We just don't play like that! LOL
Okay…to the shit part! So, yesterday Mark and I needws to run a quick errand. We debated because this would have been their first time together alone. Joey has to be caged because he is a sporadic addict and can't be trusted on his own. Sophie is 14 years old and has been roaming free for years. So, we figured they would be just fine on their own.
After a quick 35 minute trip to Giant Eagle and back, we found everyone alive and well. Upon arriving home, I immediately let Joey out of the cage when I noticed that his muzzle was completely soaked. I knew right then that he cried and worked his self up into a tizzy while we were gone. Normally we put his bark collar on to keep him subdued just for this reason. But, with Sophie there, we thought he would remain calm. Wrong! So, I took him outside and he peed. When I went back in I checked his rug under the cage. He chews up the plastic trays so we put the rug in case there are accidents. The rug was dry! Yay Joey! You are were a good boy and didn't potty while we were gone. As I put the cage back down, I noticed it….brown spots on the wall behind the cage. I yelled for Mark to come in the living room right now! He's a good boyfriend and came immediately. He's like, "What's up?" I said, "Look at the wall and tell me what the hell that is!" We both got up close and investigated. We looked at each other at the same time and said, "Is that shit?"!!! WTF!
I immediately got a towel, soap and water and started scrubbing the wall. A quick sniff test was administered. Lo and behold, it was determined to be shit. How the hell did that happen? So I started my investigation. I checked the cage..no shit! I checked the floor… no shit! I checked puppy asses…no shit! I checked the rug again…no shit! I kid you not, there was no trace of shit anywhere else, but on the wall! Folks, I'm not making this shit up…pun intended! How did shit get on the wall but no where else? Our only reasoning is that one of the dogs farted and it was a wet one! If Joey did it, he is a pro! Not one stray poop droplet anywhere but on the wall. If it was Sophie, she is a magician and can shrink herself to fit the 5 inches between the wall and the cage.
Too bad Nancy Drew and/or the Hardy Boys weren't available. I'm sure they would have figured it out in no time flat. So until a clue surfaces to solve the mystery, Joey and Sophie will now be confined to the unfinished side of the basement!
As with any Denise story, there is usually a silver lining. So, If you're going to shit in the living room, at least do it on the wall and NOT the white carpeting! Much easier to clean!
Make Every Day Count
Denise
