What a weekend I had! I went on what I'm calling the Good Auntie Tour. I was the last minute stand in for chauffeuring my niece Justine, The Little Swiss Miss queen, in the Waverly Jingle Bell Festival. What an adventure that was! Of course no new adventure escapes my propensity to observe those around me. And of course, there is no stopping me from sharing those observations with my reading posse. So here are just a few of the more important pieces of advice and insights that you will need to know if you are ever called upon to chauffeur your loved ones in a parade!
1. Things you should know before you say yes to the parade! ONE: Always consult the atlas before you say yes. I know Waverly sounds like a quaint little town and it makes you want to visit it. However, if it's quaint then it is probably close to the state lines!! We had no idea how far it would be! TWO: Always check the OSU football schedule before you say yes. Be sure to have a game plan in place for getting up-to-date scores and news.
2. Trust your instincts: The GPS isn't always right! I had already planned our route, but I let GPS Amber convinced me that she knew best. Well, it may have been 30 miles shorter, but it was at least 25 minutes longer! Let's say I took a different way home!
3. Party Planning: This is important to know! If you are going to host a luncheon for queens and princesses who are dressed in gowns that cost more than my monthly electric bill, then serving pasta in any form is not a good idea! The horror on the mothers' faces was priceless. There were sashes flying everywhere so that they weren't destroyed by tomato stains!!!!
4. You never know who might be in the parade: You know the saying that it's a small world. Well, it really is. As I was getting my car in the parade line I noticed the car behind me had Coshocton County plates. I'm always on the lookout for fellow Coshoctonians that I might know! As the driver walked past me, I thought he looked familiar. You know me....so I yell, "Hey, I think I know you." The gentleman stopped and looked at me. He wasn't sure if he did know me or was I some maniac stage mom! Turns out I was right! It was a fellow 1980 Ridgewood graduate. His daughter was the Canal Days queen. Talk about a small world. But wait! It gets even smaller. As we were sitting in line waiting for the parade to begin, we had another close encounter. We were parked on a residential street. The owner of the house we were parked in front of came up to let us know his daughter lived in Sugarcreek at one time. Turns out my sister-in-law Valerie bought her house when she and her family moved to Dayton! (Cue the Twilight Zone music!) Rick says I could go to the moon and still run into someone I know!!!
5. Caution: Before you get in line for the 2 hour parade: ONE: Always, always go to the bathroom first! TWO: Always, always make sure you have a full tank of gas! THREE: While at the gas station filling up, be sure to purchase plenty of snacks! You never know when you will be served pasta for lunch only to have them run out before you get any!!!
6: Memories: Even though I kid around about the adventure, it was a day I'll never forget. I got to spend a whole day with my niece Justine and my sister-in-law Valerie. With my schedule that doesn't happen very often. I also got to experience something new. Who knew how the whole queen system worked? I also got to be surrounded by all kinds of glitz, glamour, and all things glittery! Even this tomboy has a girly side that needs to be feed every now and then! Priceless!
Make Every Day Count....
Denise
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Oh no! Please tell me she didn't just go there!
If you are a regular reader, you know that I pretty much say what's on my mind, and I am not afraid to share my life experiences. Today is no different. So sit back because I'm going to go there! Yep, I'm going to dive into the dreaded rite of passage known as menopause. So, if you are offended by or embarrassed to talk about hot flashes, hair growth, weight gain, menstrual periods, mood swings, night sweats and all things hormonal, I would highly suggest that you hit the escape key right now!! This isn't for the faint of heart. To my husband, I apologize right now. I know you are sitting there reading this and wishing I would just shut the hell up! I am going to once again embarrass you with my big, uncensored mouth.
Turning 50 is bad enough. So, why does it have to be accompanied by menopause I ask you?!?!? The only logical reason I can come up with is I'm being punished for all of the evils I committed and got away with as a teenager. I just can't imagine there being any other good reason for this to happen now. Don't get me wrong, I welcome the idea of no longer having periods. What woman doesn't? But what I don't like is the way Mother Nature plays with me. I read that once a woman has missed 12 consecutive periods, she has completed menopause. This is a cruel, cruel statistic! I started counting them and was getting excited when I hit 3 months. I thought I was well on the road to freedom. Then Mother Nature reared her ugly head and hit me with them again. So, I find myself playing the 'Will I or Won't I' game each month. Perhaps I can convert it to a new Wii game and get rich! After all there is a Wii game for everything else!
Then there is the whole facial hair annoyance. I mean every time I look in the mirror I hear one of the three little pigs chanting 'not by the hair of my chiny, chin, chin!' I no longer pluck my eyebrows because I spend every moment plucking the dark, coarse hairs on my chin and neck. I swear sometimes I have more hair on my face than some of the teenage boys I teach! I remember laughing my butt off at Mrs. Hughes's comedy act about menopause. (Fellow menopausal women be sure to you tube her if you've never heard her routine.) She has a spiel about looking like her dad with her 'beard'. I now have a completely different understanding of what she meant. When I look in the mirror every morning and see these offending hairs, I am perplexed. I feel like an ugly duckling. I mean let's face it. I see pictures of Julia Roberts and Julianne Moore and think 'why can't I age more gracefully?' Of course if I had their money, I would probably pay a lot of moola to hide Mother Nature's wear and tear!
I just keep telling myself that this too will pass.
More than anything I think the hot flashes and night sweats are the worst. Let's take a look at the hot flashes first. I started having them intermittently about 3 years ago. When I had my first one, I really thought I was dying. I had no idea what was happening to me. I remember just dropping my packages in the middle of a quilt shop and running outside in the 25 degree weather. I wasn't sure what I was going to do first: puke or pass out!!! I remember telling my gynecologist about it and she said I was too young for a hot flash! Really? Now when I have them and there is a witness, I have them sign an affidavit saying I did in fact suffer from one! And then there is the whole dressing for the weather. It has gotten colder here in Ohio, so I went through the closet only to find sweaters. That isn't going to work. I ended up going shopping for long sleeved shirts and camis. Got to be able to strip when the flash occurs. I sure as hell wish I could have a hot flash when I need one. You know when it's 10 degrees outside and the wind is blowing and all you want is to be warm! But no! I guess it doesn't work that way. Of course, I could be rich if I could figure out how to conjure one up on command. To my dear, dear friends who have been subjected to my striptease, I apologize. I want you to know that I truly appreciate the fact that you let me sit in your presence wearing only my cami and bare, fat arms showing. It is a true testament to our friendship. Just know I would/will do the same thing for you.
Last week Rick and I had to change sides of the bed. I have to have the fan blowing on me all night long and the only outlet was on his side of the bed. He was always complaining about being cold. Sometimes, he would shut my fan off when he came to bed. After all I'm asleep and he thinks I won't notice. Well, let me tell you I know when he did it. I would start having my recurring dream about running naked through a snowstorm. Then I would wake up with sweat running down my back. I stumble out of bed and turn it back on. I will say that switching sides has helped immensely. I can have it on all night long. I put a couple of quilts on his side of the bed. So far, it seems to be working.
For those of you experiencing the 'joys' of menopause, you know what I'm talking about. No matter what our friends or mothers tell us to prepare us for the "change of life", we just can't be prepared for that first hot flash or night sweat. And that first one is rather traumatic. You just don't understand what is going on. But the great thing about it is that it gives us the opportunity to bond with our mothers, sisters, and friends at a whole new level. Of course, you have to be willing to talk about it. I say don't be ashamed to speak up and out. We all will experience it at one time or another, and we can learn valuable information from the sister hood of hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings and all things hormonal.
Make Every Day Count.....
Denise
Turning 50 is bad enough. So, why does it have to be accompanied by menopause I ask you?!?!? The only logical reason I can come up with is I'm being punished for all of the evils I committed and got away with as a teenager. I just can't imagine there being any other good reason for this to happen now. Don't get me wrong, I welcome the idea of no longer having periods. What woman doesn't? But what I don't like is the way Mother Nature plays with me. I read that once a woman has missed 12 consecutive periods, she has completed menopause. This is a cruel, cruel statistic! I started counting them and was getting excited when I hit 3 months. I thought I was well on the road to freedom. Then Mother Nature reared her ugly head and hit me with them again. So, I find myself playing the 'Will I or Won't I' game each month. Perhaps I can convert it to a new Wii game and get rich! After all there is a Wii game for everything else!
Then there is the whole facial hair annoyance. I mean every time I look in the mirror I hear one of the three little pigs chanting 'not by the hair of my chiny, chin, chin!' I no longer pluck my eyebrows because I spend every moment plucking the dark, coarse hairs on my chin and neck. I swear sometimes I have more hair on my face than some of the teenage boys I teach! I remember laughing my butt off at Mrs. Hughes's comedy act about menopause. (Fellow menopausal women be sure to you tube her if you've never heard her routine.) She has a spiel about looking like her dad with her 'beard'. I now have a completely different understanding of what she meant. When I look in the mirror every morning and see these offending hairs, I am perplexed. I feel like an ugly duckling. I mean let's face it. I see pictures of Julia Roberts and Julianne Moore and think 'why can't I age more gracefully?' Of course if I had their money, I would probably pay a lot of moola to hide Mother Nature's wear and tear!
I just keep telling myself that this too will pass.
More than anything I think the hot flashes and night sweats are the worst. Let's take a look at the hot flashes first. I started having them intermittently about 3 years ago. When I had my first one, I really thought I was dying. I had no idea what was happening to me. I remember just dropping my packages in the middle of a quilt shop and running outside in the 25 degree weather. I wasn't sure what I was going to do first: puke or pass out!!! I remember telling my gynecologist about it and she said I was too young for a hot flash! Really? Now when I have them and there is a witness, I have them sign an affidavit saying I did in fact suffer from one! And then there is the whole dressing for the weather. It has gotten colder here in Ohio, so I went through the closet only to find sweaters. That isn't going to work. I ended up going shopping for long sleeved shirts and camis. Got to be able to strip when the flash occurs. I sure as hell wish I could have a hot flash when I need one. You know when it's 10 degrees outside and the wind is blowing and all you want is to be warm! But no! I guess it doesn't work that way. Of course, I could be rich if I could figure out how to conjure one up on command. To my dear, dear friends who have been subjected to my striptease, I apologize. I want you to know that I truly appreciate the fact that you let me sit in your presence wearing only my cami and bare, fat arms showing. It is a true testament to our friendship. Just know I would/will do the same thing for you.
Last week Rick and I had to change sides of the bed. I have to have the fan blowing on me all night long and the only outlet was on his side of the bed. He was always complaining about being cold. Sometimes, he would shut my fan off when he came to bed. After all I'm asleep and he thinks I won't notice. Well, let me tell you I know when he did it. I would start having my recurring dream about running naked through a snowstorm. Then I would wake up with sweat running down my back. I stumble out of bed and turn it back on. I will say that switching sides has helped immensely. I can have it on all night long. I put a couple of quilts on his side of the bed. So far, it seems to be working.
For those of you experiencing the 'joys' of menopause, you know what I'm talking about. No matter what our friends or mothers tell us to prepare us for the "change of life", we just can't be prepared for that first hot flash or night sweat. And that first one is rather traumatic. You just don't understand what is going on. But the great thing about it is that it gives us the opportunity to bond with our mothers, sisters, and friends at a whole new level. Of course, you have to be willing to talk about it. I say don't be ashamed to speak up and out. We all will experience it at one time or another, and we can learn valuable information from the sister hood of hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings and all things hormonal.
Make Every Day Count.....
Denise
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